Riding the Soccer Bench

As a soccer parent first, coach second and former soccer player and youth referee, wearing multiple hats can be -at times-a challenging day, week or month depending upon the calendar.

Part I: As a soccer parent, I sympathized with my daughter, who in her first Academy experience, literally rode the bench along with two other players. The three benchwarmers were some of the most delightful, eager to learn, fun and enthusiastic young soccer players a coach could hope to have. After about 9 months my child got in the car after school and plainly said, “I want you to be my coach again mom.” I said,”… not a problem!”,  and we moved on without saying a word to the coach about the bench.  As a team parent, I had one conversation with him the entire season -at a family meeting. Fast forward, two of those wonderful benchwarmers are 4 years older and worlds away with new coaches who believed in them, took a more positive approach and now they are both on top Division teams, one even winning the prestigious Division I League Title.  Think about those musical geniuses who could not get a record deal for 5 years until…someone believed in them.  Listen to their demo and then listen to them now.  With the right people around them, proper inspiration and vocal coaching, they become superstars.  This is not to say, your benchwarmer will become a superstar, but they don’t necessarily deserve to be on the bench for most of a game either.

Part II: As a coach, I hear stories like this one all the time… shared with me by a soccer dad, “…my son sat the bench all the time on his recreational team and the coach’s son and his friends played most of the time.” Fast forward, “three and a half weeks later, my son’s new futsal team played against his recreational coach’s son’s futsal team and a parent from their team came up to me and said, ‘wow, your son got a lot better didn’t he? He scored a hat trick against us!'” The dad replied,  “It is impossible to have gotten that much better in three and a half weeks, he simply did not sit on the bench. This is what happens when he gets playing time!”  Many people misinterpret the bench. It is often used, (not always) when the coach isn’t invested in the player for a variety of reasons and has little to do with anything other than the coach isn’t very good at their job or volunteer position. Yes, I said it and I said it because it is true in far too many cases where there are children and often a lot of money involved. When you as a coach, expect a child to come to you and be the child you want them to be -then you-coach- are the problem. The better idea is to simply give them a test to see if they fit the psychological profile you are looking for and stop wasting children’s and parent’s time and money- if you are that coach.  Otherwise take all children as they are, you are the adult and you are the one responsible for learning how to work with them, not the other way around.  Children already spend enough time learning how to adjust to people, leaders, teachers and coaches in their school environments.  They don’t need to double down for 3-4 hours a week learning how to do that with their soccer or sports coaches too.

Part III: Now my player’s story from the bench. Although, with a twist. I wasn’t a benchwarmer, in fact, the only time I sat on a bench was when I was injured and a little in my college days. I played on our community Select Soccer Team always winning the State Tournament and only losing in the Regional Cup Finals (every year for both). I played ODP as well. Now here is the interesting part, I played with two fantastic players one starter and one who came off the bench on my select team. As a college player, I ended up with a few small scholarship offers to elite and expensive East Coast Division I Schools. My parents did not have the ability to make up the difference with loans and my academic money offers combined still weren’t enough, so I ended up at my hometown Big 10 school with a NCAA Division I Development Team that was registered as a Club Competitive Team (the 1980’s) but played in the regular Big 10 Division with DI and DII Teams. We won our Division and the Big Ten Championship the 2 consecutive years that I played and went undefeated. Here is the benchwarmer part. During my Sophomore year of High School, my parents were both home when I got off the bus. They sat me down over a power snack and told me how I needed to go to Catholic School my Junior and Senior year if I wanted a chance at a full-ride scholarship. I thought they were crazy!

I then marched out of the kitchen, went to my room and started reading a book. No way was I going to Catholic School. The conversation came up many, many times, for months afterward, and I simply refused. Guess who did go to Catholic School? My two long-time select soccer player friends and teammates. As fate would have it, we played against each other both in 1985 and 1986 in regular season games and my team won both times, as I recall, quite easily. I remember moving past both of them with quick feints several times and after the first match, I realized I was the better player by far.

However, in the game of life, they both got their Division I full-ride scholarships, and the player who came off the bench, from my select team made it about as far as you could go back in my day and I did not. I will never forget the lesson. Yes, the lesson of how one choice can make such a difference in life. Listen to your parents benchwarmers and starters alike. Crazy or not crazy soccer parents, we all love our kids and our players more than any coach ever will.

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